Archive for October, 2008
Oct 30, 1938 – The War of the Worlds
Posted in Podcasts on October 29, 2008 by uchtred
Press one for English? No thanks!
Posted in Government Corruption, Illegal Immigration with tags English-only movement on October 28, 2008 by Hachiko
PALIN BAGS A BIGFOOT
Posted in Politics on October 26, 2008 by uchtred
WASILLA, AK – Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.
A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.
The Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as it is known in scientific circles, was found dead on the outskirts of the park, just south of Wasilla, Alaska. Preliminary forensics reports confirm that an adult male Sasquatch was shot in the face with Palin’s trademark 5mm M4 Carbine Assault Rifle.
Environmental groups are in an uproar at the hunting death of a rare and notoriously reclusive species. Efforts to have the Sasquatch placed on the endangered species list have met with repeated opposition from state legislature, since protecting the ‘Missing Link’ could be seen as validating evolution.
Conservatives have immediately rallied to their party’s new star, citing that gun ownership and hunting are indelible parts of American culture. Indeed this point is hard to argue, as John Adams was notorious for having captured what he called a “Skunk Ape” and killing it with his bare hands on the White House lawn in front of a paying audience.
BAT BOY BACKS OBATMA
Posted in Politics on October 26, 2008 by uchtredObatma’s half-brother, Barack Obama, has received the political endorsement of America’s favorite precocious mutant: Bat Boy.
This morning presidential nominee Barack Obama met the half-human half-bat who eagerly gave his endorsement through a series of squeaks and high pitched squeals. It is believed that the revelation of Obama’s mutant half-bat half-brother Obatma secured his support.
“This boy is a shining example of the American dream,” Obama said at a small press conference held after the meeting.
“Coming from meager beginnings, cast out for who he is, he now enjoys the freedom and limitless possibility granted to every American.”
Even insiders are unsure of what was else was said behind closed doors, but assumed talks centered on how to present Bat Boy’s status as a mutant and former felon to the American Bible-Belt.
After a great deal of secrecy was used in delivering Bat Boy to the meeting, no such restraint was required in driving him back to his cave. Sources note that Bat Boy repeatedly turned on the sirens, waved at people who noticed him, and put his head out the window to catch mosquitoes in his mouth.
